As I was writing for my next article in one of my favorite café, I was interrupted by a sister who asked if she could sit with me (the place was crowded). Without really looking at her, I said of course. She proceeded to try and strike up a conversation about the weather and she asked me what I was doing. I quickly explained about this article series hoping to dismiss her bc she was breaking my concentration. She was immediately intrigued and began asking me even more questions. I finally paused with my writing and actually looked at her. She was attractive, professional and well dressed, I didn’t expect a woman like her to be interested in this topic. I became intrigued now. She asked me if I could interview her. You know I said yes. Below is the raw uncut raw answers she gave me. ()
Please read and enjoy. As always, feel free to leave any comments.
Would you call yourself a side chick or mistress?
Neither, I always preferred to maintain my own identity.
Is there a difference btwn the 2?
I really don’t think so.
Did/Do you prefer men who are already in a relationship?
It was a matter of convenience. Most of the time I never even asked the guy if he was single or not. It just didn’t matter if he was in a relationship, single or married. The most important thing was that he was HIV negative, the sex was great & he had to make me laugh. The guy had to understand that we have a mutually exclusive situation. I never even considered them relationships. It was always about the sexual chemistry, his personality. He had to understand that for me, work was always the priority. He had to be cool w/ the fact that there would be times when we may have plans, if something came up @ work, that would be my priority. And vice versa. I always respected a man whose priority in life was his career as opposed to f*cking.
What do you think it is that draws men to you?
I truly have no idea. Honestly, I’ve never asked.
Are you offering something their significant other is not?
I have never try to impose on any man’s life. I have never met a guy that was so great that I wanted to be in a committed relationship with him. I have always been very very specific about that. I can’t commit myself emotionally to a man who cheats. That is always a fail. The # one criteria for me is that a man is honest, so if we’re f*cking consistently for 2 mos, and I’m feeling you, then you disclose that you are dating/ married to someone else, I have always felt that the guy has done me a great favor, and I just dodged a bullet. I absolutely will never try to ‘steal’ anyone’s husband. I had a sexual addiction, our situation was about having fun & being spontaneous.
What do you think causes men to step out?
Boredom. And that goes both ways I think, for women who step out as well. I do know there would be times when, guys would complain about wives but I change the subject. I mean what can I say? Technically & morally you should be home working in your marriage.
Do you think side chicks or mistresses are a natural part of life? Meaning that they will always be?
Yes! Not for me b/c I don’t date purely for sex anymore. As a matter of fact, recently a guy was very flirty w/ me & I found out he had a girlfriend & it completely turned me off, like I wasn’t attracted to the guy the moment I found out. But yes there will always be mistresses.
Is there any empowerment in being a side chick?
I never considered myself a side chick, but as the daughter of a lothario, I have to say there is no empowerment for neither the wife or the ‘side chick’. When a man cheats all of the women involved loose.
What does the man benefit from having one?
He’s either having mind blowing sex or the great communication, someone he can talk to. A man who is happy @ home is not f*cking other women.
Do you feel your role should be understood and respected by the main chick?
I never cared what the main chick thought of me. The bottom line is any woman that allows herself to be emotionally effected by a man’s behavior is in need of mental help. Not to sound harsh, but it is never ok to be disrespected by a man.
How can a significant other compete?
She shouldn’t, she should Divorce her man. Replace him, & f*ck someone better, then she’s won.
Are you a mistress now? Why or why not?
I’m not dating now. I’ve got a lot going on professionally, so dating is not a priority.
Do you have anything else to add? Your knowledge and input is valuable to women of all ages.
Growing up my dad was very popular and he dated lots of women outside of my parents marriage. The culture was, “As long as my wife and kids live comfortable, I take care of the financial responsibilities I can do whatever I want.” This is why I promised myself that I would never allow any man to have that much control in my life, I felt most sorry for my Mom, it was like the ‘side chicks’ or ‘mistresses’, they got the best of the deal. They were free, my Mom on the other hand had obligations to my Dad and the Life that he provided. Alot of times women think that being the wife gives them the upper hand, but the situation is sad for everyone.