“The choice is yours whether or not you want to spend the NIGHT with YOUR TYPE or spend YOUR LIFE with Mr. Right!!!”
Most women have a type and the crazy thing about it is, the type usually doesn’t have anything to do with happiness and stability! Most of the time our type is superficial and based on looks more than anything. Nobody is thinking about the “traits” this man possesses, the family he comes from, his habits and his way of life, the type of friends he has etc. But then you wonder why its so hard to find a good man. The answer is in you but you bypass a good man that is willing to invest in your future for a man who’s only investing his dick in you for the night. Isn’t happiness your type? Being respected, that’s not your type? Being adored? Loved? You can’t find a King if your too busy fucking with dudes. Stability is the key! You don’t want someone that’s going to be in and out of your life because he doesn’t know what he wants, or because he feels as if he as “options.” You want a man that knows what he wants, goes after what he wants and will take care of you mind body and soul for life not just for a night! Get your mind right so you can get Mr. Right!
You can’t blame men for not being shit all of the time. You let them come in and out and do what they want but then you get pissed at him for not being good to you. Sweetie its because your not being good to yourself! Look at what your allowing him to do to you! At some point you have to not only question your choice in men, but the reason behind your decisions. Sometimes as women we get so comfortable in our pain and when we do this, we attract men that have no (real) interest in helping us they just want to add to the pain because they think we are already numb to it. Stop living a sob story and be happy so that you can attract men that want to contribute to your happiness! This ain’t a movie, niggas is not saving you, you have got to save yourself and want more for yourself before a quality man is going to even look your way!
Men show their feelings differently than us. Women tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves. We tend to let every dude we meet know about how the last one that did us dirty, because deep down we want someone to save us and tell us that they won’t hurt us in that way. There are plenty of hurt men walking around looking to be saved as well though ladies. Just like there are a lot of bullshit niggas out here, there are a lot of bullshit bitches out here too. A lot of good men are out there praying for a Queen to come their way. But if we are walking around man bashing without any respect for them or ourselves then what do we have? We let a lot of men pass us by because they aren’t our type and don’t get me wrong, you shouldn’t compromise your likes and wants, I mean after all you have to be attracted to your mate. You know what turns you on but some of us are ridiculous when it comes to choosing a “type.”
We will let a good man go because he wasn’t tall enough, dark enough, wild enough, wealthy enough, slim enough. Most likely, the man you need is not going to come in the package that you want. You are not going to get exactly what you want. There will be a flaw “according to your standards,” and if you can deal with the flaw then you can deal with it all. You know you’re a good woman and that you have everything to offer a man. How would you feel if you were passed over because he thought you were too light skinned, your hair was too short, your chest was too flat or something simple as that? Does your type consist of what matters? Are you looking for a man that can offer you longevity, respect, honor, loyalty, security, stability, success, happiness, growth, time, patience, companionship, friendship, mental stimulation, spirituality, sexual stimulation and so many other wonderful things that a mate is supposed to bring into our lives? And if so, are you willing to let this man pass you by because he doesn’t meet your height requirement or perhaps his money isn’t as long as you would have hoped? What about a man who loves himself so much that he is successful, powerful and strong and respects you. What if he expands your mind in order to comprehend life outside of the shit you’re accustomed to? You can’t keep wondering why you’re single if you keep doing the same shit. When it is all said and done, all of the bullshit we endured from these players in our past should have taught us something and matured us in ways to prepare us to be with our King our Coach. You can’t date soldiers all of your life and you can’t be “wifeY” all your life.
Mr. Right may be right up under your nose but your overlooking him because his car isn’t the latest model, or he’s not as muscular as you like your men or something so tedious that its ridiculous. But then you wonder why your single or worse than that you don’t even have options to choose from. You are what you attract so if you keep attracting half ass men, what is it that they see in you that makes them keep coming around but not sticking around?
Most bad boys are notorious for never settling down so what you don’t want to do is spend a life time trying to make this man see that you’re the one when you could be spending a life time with the man that knows you’re the one.
When you’re single for a long time, it’s even harder to compromise because you’re settled in your ways. But compromising doesn’t necessarily mean giving up anything it just means allowing someone into your life that can add goodness to it and he may not be your type! But there has to be other things about this man that overrides that specific thing that you want from a man.
Bottom line is, the choice is yours whether or not you want to spend a night with your type or spend your life with Mr. Right!!!
Ayana Ellis is the author of King and I, Don’t Be a Dumb Bitch, King Me, Full Circle, Love Changes, Girls From the Hood 4 (Amazon.com)