To most people in this society, a marriage consists of a husband and a wife. No one else. Any intimacy outside of that union is viewed as cheating. However, in the sex-positive community, polyamory (loving more than one person) and “ethical non-monogamy” is practiced, which allows romantic rendezvous with others. Gracie X, a 48-year-old Pilates teacher and writer from Northern California lives that lifestyle. She is married with two children, but smashes other folks with her husband’s consent (and vice versa). To take it a step further, Gracie feels that her extramarital relationships enhance her skills as a wife and parent. “Having sex outside my marriage makes me a fabulous mother. Anything that keeps me happy and gives me energy makes me a better mother,” said Gracie. “Domestic life can get spectacularly boring and I need a separate adult life. The downside of monogamy is monotony.”
The NY Post details the unorthodox way Gracie met her husband, Oz:
Gracie met Oz six years ago when she was still married to her first husband, Hank. She and Hank opened up their marriage to others and met Oz, who moved into their and their children’s duplex with his two kids.
Hank later met a woman named Valerie who also shacked up with the non-traditional family.
As time went on, the spark between Hank and his girlfriend Valerie, and Gracie and her boyfriend Oz, grew hotter and the couples decided to pair off and live separate fulfilling lives.
“If my kids asked me to stop being polyamorous, I wouldn’t. I could not stop being who I am, I could not stop living the lifestyle that is me,” explained Gracie. “The biggest burden you can put on your child is an unfulfilled life. We really have to make sure we’re living. I’m happy and fun to be around and they ask me about intimate things because I’m sex-positive and I’m not trying to control their lives.”
No worrries, her kids with Oz are totally with their mom living it up. “I was about 10 or 11 and my parents sat me down and they told me they are going to start having special friends,” said the couple’s 16-year-old daughter Tallulah. “It took some getting used to, but now I think being polyamorous makes her a better mother because she’s happy … I think it affected my view of relationships because now I know I can love the way I want to and really make a relationship in the way I want to and not the way society wants it to.”
However, Gracie did reveal that she does get jealous when her husband gets close with other women, but sees the arrangement as beneficial overall. “Knowing that your husband is a separate sexual being is a great way of keeping the relationship alive,” she said. “It makes us closer and after we’ve been with another person, the passion between us when we come back together is unbelievable.”
Check out an interview with Gracie below. If you’re thirsty to hear her full thoughts, check out her book on the subject titled, Wide Open; My Adventures in Polyamory, Open Marriage and Loving on My Own Terms.