Okay Main Bitches, Wives, Wifeys, Baby Mommas… listen up this is for you. Nobody wants to admit where they fell short and how they allowed the clean up woman to come in. And I can’t say that its okay for a man to step out and cheat when things aren’t right at home. But having a “side chick” is a whole other level of infidelity. You have to put yourself in a man’s shoes and think for a second. What on God’s earth would make you have an entire relationship with another man on the side? What could you possibly be lacking in your relationship or marriage with your mate that allows you to encompass an entire other body, being, person, lifestyle? So before you start calling the side bitches all kinds of homewreckers, stop and think. You could be the one that possibly wrecked the home causing your mate to step out and engaged in an entirely new relationship with someone else. Because lets face it the term “side bitch” is for lack of a better term. Side bitches don’t get treated like they are on the side nor do they hardly get treated like bitches. Stop sitting around talking about Side Bitches and how they ain’t shit, how they need to find their own man and about how ratchet they are. All that shit talking is not going stop your man from getting his dick sucked outside of your relationship. Do you know that 70% of relationships wouldn’t last without a side bitch? Men obviously love the side bitch because he has no ties, the pussy is probably crazy or she is younger then you. Whatever his reasons … the bitch exists and there is not too much you can do about it. Putting energy into hating on her is not the business. Keep in mind, she is with your man because he doesn’t treat her like she is on the side, nor does he treat her like she’s just some bitch.
I’m not here to glorify the Side Bitch, I’m really just trying to paint a picture for you to understand the predicament you are in. And while there really isn’t that much you can do to get rid of her, you should understand how she infiltrated your whole set. In a man’s eyes, things with his main bitch just gets boring sometimes. He’s tired of talking about the kids, the bills, your mother and your friends. He’s tired of you popping shit, he’s tired of you not putting in any effort into your looks, he’s tired of you giving him mummy pussy, (just laying there and letting him get his nut off) He could simply just not be in love with you any more, shit happens and its hard to walk out of a long term relationship, a marriage, a whatever so he keeps you at the house but he is with another woman setting up a new life. It is YOUR job to recognize the situation for what it is and base your decisions on that.
Understand, there is a difference between a shorty, jump-off or booty call and a Side Bitch. Those are the bitches your man fucks here and there from time to time. She may get the hammer in his car or a late night quickie and she may even be smashing a few of his boys. But the Side Bitch, she’s getting time, money and in most cases his heart. Side Bitches (if she’s a real good one) often get more than the main. Why? Because the main bitch is so hung up on that title alone she forgot how she got it in the first place and got lazy. Your dude knows that your content with “the title” and as long you have that, he knows you’re going to sit your ass down somewhere. Meanwhile, he’s treating the Side Bitch better than you; taking her to dinner, to the club, shopping and if he is real bold he may even slide in a vacation or two. Even if he only spends limited time with the Side Bitch, you better know its quality time. They don’t have any kids running screaming, they are not talking about bills, things that need repair or any other boring shit. Every minute they spend together is all about being great! So you got the title but she has him, completely. His time…his money… his dick, she’s hanging with his friends while your home looking wondering where he is and who he’s with.
Why is this? Because you forgot how to treat your man. Side Bitches make sure whenever he comes around they’re looking good, feeling good and they are always ready to please and it doesn’t have to be all about sex either. Side bitches always have some kind of plan to please the man when he comes through. But not main bitches! Side bitches don’t really beef, they appreciate the time spent with him. Not main bitches! All the time in the world ain’t enough time for a main bitch! Side Bitches do what they have to do to keep him coming back and they don’t say “No” to anything he asks. Not main bitches!
(Some) Main bitches think because of that title … they are entitled. And that is why your man has a Side Bitch.
So say what you want about her, curse the side bitch out and call her every name in the book for fucking your man but that side bitch done got you demoted from Wifey to Might Be. While you are riding the shit out of the title, she is riding the shit out of your man. The Side Bitch could give a fuck about a title. Truth is, she really don’t give a fuck about you either.
Okay, so now that you have become victim of the “Joseline Jux,” (We all know who Joseline from Love and Hip Hop Atlanta is.) What do you do? How can you deprogram him? Here’s the answer: You can’t! The only way to get him back is if this Side Bitch dies, because as long as she wants him she can have him. They are in a whole other relationship and the truth is YOU have become the Side Bitch. You are the annoyance in their lives with your constant whining. It’s so bad that your house is in disarray when the Side Bitch catches an attitude with him. She has him so stressed he’s home yelling at you.
When you are in are in a relationship and you truly love your man, its not about going above and beyond jumping through hoops, its about being the kind of woman that he will find it hard to replace. A man will NEVER have a relationship on the side if he felt like he had something to lose with you. Hell, in rare cases you have women that are happy that there is a side chick for him to be play with when you don’t feel like being bothered. And ladies we all know we have days when we don’t feel like catching lock-jaw or flaring up our hemorrhoids…let that bitch do it!
Whatever your lifestyle choice is. own it and always look at the big picture. I’m not saying its right, but sometimes check yourself to make sure you’re not the homewrecker that you’re calling her.
Deputy Editor of Don Diva Magazine/Author
Books By Ayana Ellis available on Amazon.com