Every man loves the cool girl don’t they? This woman is so cool that she accepts the fact that their relationship status is casual when in all reality she wants more. Yet she deals with the fact that he sees other women, that after a year he still isn’t ready for something serious, so cool that that they can kick it without a commitment because she is so cool and down with the fellas that it’s okay and it’s not. My belief is that this particular woman is afraid of getting hurt so she hides behind this “cool chick” persona and deals with all of the indiscretions with a smile and a “I’m good!” She’s straddling the fence and figuring well if I know this and that about him already, then I know what to expect, so if and when it happens, I won’t be mad or hurt because I already knew what it is.
Now don’t get me wrong, she may very well be a cool chick but as a woman, when you want more from a man you are supposed to speak up and voice your feelings because a man is not going to say anything. He is going to keep that “cool” relationship right where it is and you’re going to wind up getting your feelings hurt because you played it cool instead of expressing how you really felt out of of “turning the man off” and risking him not liking you anymore. because you’re not making shit easy for him. What happens after that is, we spend a lot of time trying to convince ourselves that this “relationship” is right. We deal with the bullshit issues that this man has because we are so cool. We are the cool, understanding chick. We sit down and kick it with him about why he does what he does, even if what he is doing is hurting us. Why? Because we are so cool and down and “we know how niggas think,” we know how they get down, we understand because we think we are one of them. Reality check sweetie, we are not one of the boys when it comes to matters of the heart. Quit being so understanding of this man’s predicament, whatever it is! Stop telling yourself, “I ain’t even mad at him.”
You should be mad at him for stringing you along!!!
This man is treating you like a yo-yo. On one hand he is feeling you right? I mean he can sit back with you, have drinks, laugh, talk about anything, be himself, do whatever and what man doesn’t love that about a woman? Not to mention this man can (probably) fuck you whenever he wants. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t seen him in days or that he has a girl that “it’s not like that” with, or the fact that he told you he isn’t ready to settle down but when he’s ready, you will be the one, but in the meantime let’s just enjoy each other, which simply means, you’ll never be my girl for whatever reason he has in his head, but I enjoy fucking you with no strings attached. He gets all these privileges without having to give you anything in return, so why wouldn’t he keep you around? But like a yo-yo, he pulls you close to him for his own benefit then drops you and leaves you hanging when things begin to get too serious.
So now your all frustrated because you put your “cool” before your “couth” and he isn’t trying to hear anything outside of that. Once you begin to express your disdain about the things he’s doing, your looked at as a nag, a bug, “c’mon man don’t do this I thought you were cool that’s why I fucked with you because you don’t beef about the shit that other women do.” That is not a compliment, that is a slap in the face!
What’s cool, is a woman that speaks her mind and knows how to walk away if the man is not willing to give her what she deserves. That is what real men find cool! It doesn’t matter that you are the “cool chick,” as a man, if he respect you and strives for greatness, he will in turn want to make you feel great as well! So what your the cool chick that doesnt care about him taking you out to restaurants and spending money, you’re okay with coming to his house with a bag of chicken soaked in hotsauce and ketchup with a bottle of Henny. As a man, if he likes you, respects you and wants greatness, he’ll take you out on dates anyway, even though you’re “cool” with kicking back and watching the game with him. And if he likes you or cares about you, he will respect the fact that you’re not settling (when you decide that you are no longer the cool chick) and he will either come correct or keep it moving, either way you win! There is a very thin line between playing cool and playing fool. Next thing you know, he thinks your so cool so he continues to do the things that’s tearing you apart, the neglect, other women, while your sitting there shelving your feelings. He will continue to have a million relationships “around” you but not with you and why? Because he thinks that your so cool and that you will understand.
In being the cool girl, you will accumulate a lot of male homie lover friends. These relationships will have a spark when they start but being cool after catching feelings is a hard persona to maintain. Nobody deserves to feel unappreciated after putting in so much time and effort with a man and being so cool. Heartbreak doesn’t seem like such a fair exchange for a woman who has offered up so much to make a man comfortable and happy.
Now your alone, frustrated and full of resentment toward a man who(that yes he should not have taken advantage of your coolness, your heart and what you felt was the right approach to keep him happy) pretty much did use you to his advantage. He had his cake and ate it too on your dime and the minute shit got real and you revealed how you felt, he ran because now your no longer and easy “cool” task for him. You now come with “responsibility” a responsibility that YOU should have made him aware of off the rip instead of being “the cool girl.” It’s okay being cool with your man or the guy your dating. But what is NOT cool is hiding how you feel, dummin’ down your true you and ignoring your own heartache and unhappiness to make any man happy or anyone happy for that matter. The cool in you is a gift, a prize and a special part of you that the man who deserves it should only get to see. When dating and looking for a serious relationship, don’t EVER be too cool to say how you feel and express your wants and needs out of fear of “losing” him. This is exactly how you will be able to separate the boys from the men.
It ain’t cool being the cool chick when you want more!
For Books By Ayana Ellis visit Amazon.com
Deputy Editor for Don Diva Magazine