There is nothing worse than being lied to. Even worse is a lazy lie, you know, your man lies to you about something and he doesn’t even put in the effort to be creative, to make up something that sounds half believable. You find make up on his collar and he tells you that he ran into his grandmother at a basketball game. Both his maternal and paternal grandma been dead since ’88. Some lies are told to protect the innocent, but in the case of men and women, most of the time “he’s” lying to keep from getting left or slapped upside his head. Fellas if your going to lie to us, let me give you a few pointers that will keep you out of the dog house, whether we believe your lies or not.
When a man is lying and we know that he is, we can’t help but to not be too mad because of how compassionate and caring he’s “acting.” He was an hour late for picking you up from work because he was fucking around. You know that’s why because your homegirl called you and told you she saw him hanging out with his homies. But he shows up late, says he got “Caught up” handling some business. Yeah fucking right. But he’s so sorry for showing up late you don’t even consider busting his chops and letting him know that you know he’s lying.
Bad enough your sitting in our face, telling us this cockamamie story about how your battery died on your phone and how you couldn’t find your car keys so that’s why you didn’t make it home last night. I mean dude, really? Don’t just not give a fuck about what you tell us. Even if you are lying at least put us in a position to have to believe you because the lie is so good we can’t even front on it.
3. Remember Your Lie
We are not dumb. We will lead you to believe that we believe you for the moment because you know what? We dont have time for this bullshit right now. But where you men fuck up at is that you forget the lie you told us. A month later in our own lil sneaky way, we bring that shit up, and almost always, you fools tell on yourselves. Put the weed down and get your mind right.
4. Dont lie all the time
Don’t be a fucking habitual liar just lying about everything or we won’t believe shit you tell us, even when it is the truth.
5. Give us more credit
Men lie about the dumbest shit, swearing that they know how we will react so well. Tell the damn truth some of the time so when you do tell a lie, we’ll let you slide here and there.
6. Eye to Eye
When people in general lie, the stories are long winded, the body language is suspect and most importantly the eye contact is shystie. We see through the lies homeboy but you might not be so easily found out if you looked us in the eye and OWNED your lie.
7. Ya mans annem….
Men are always throwing their friends under the bus. They lie and say they were with Malik and they don’t even let Malik know that he’s part of the lie. And what would a smart bitch do? See Malik and ask questions. Now everybody’s busted. Stop dragging your friends into your bullshit or at least let them know that you’re using them in a lie.
8. Less is More
Don’t make your excuses so damn dramatic!!!!!! You motherfuckas will lie and say you got abducted by aliens and all kinds of shit just to avoid telling us that you rather hang with your boys tonight then be with us. Just be honest.
9. Reverse Psycology
That shit is the worse, nothing pisses me off more than when a man fucks up then tries to flip it around on the woman. That’s some sucker shit, cut it out. You are instantly guilty when you move like that.
10. Angry Man
When you get extra mad once we call you out and tell you that we don’t believe you, you have no idea how hard we are laughing at you inside, calling you all kinds of bitch ass liars. We aren’t quiet because we feel intimidated, we are quiet because we are at a loss for words at this act your putting on, just to make your lie seem more believable.
Deputy Editor of Don Diva Magazine/Author